Read the manual!

Whenever we want to learn to operate a piece of electronic equipment or appliance, we usually read the manual so that we can get the item to work properly for us.

I think the hardest thing to "operate" is interpersonal relationships, whether its relationship between parent and child, co-workers or two people in a love relationship.

It seems amazing to me that many people in relationships try to do this blindly without adequate emotional literacy and we avoid reading the thousands of great books which actually are the manuals to properly work a relationship.

There are great books like "Getting The Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix and more recently "The New Couple" by my dear friends Seana McGee and Maurice Taylor.

Couples often wonder why they get entangled in a gordion knot of power struggle, with the accompanying problems of a lack of communication, blaming, inability to resolve conflict and many other problems until the machinery of their relationship breaks down. Then they try to fix it, again with no understanding of the mechanics of relationship.

I think that reading self help books are like reading the manual and are imperative in gaining literacy in human relationships. Couples should read these manuals long before the relationship hits any bad patches.

Until about 15 years ago, I used to think that these books were for the weak, but not any more.

Although there will always be difficulties and challenges in relationships, having emotional literacy means that we will be able to find a way to get out of trouble more quickly.

One tip, when reading these books, don't underline all the examples of bad behavior or characteristics in your partner.

Instead, underline the bad points which describe your own self. By doing this, each partner shines the light of awareness on oneself.

If both partners do this, recovery will happen and the chances of returning the relationship to equilibrium and continued positive growth will be much greater.